There are two kinds of single people in life: those who choose to be single and those who have solitude forced on them. Luckily, I fall into the first category. I sometimes get strange looks when I tell people I prefer the single life but I’ve grown accustomed to strange looks. I’m not opposed to being in a relationship it’s just not something I go out of my way to get into.
Lately, I’ve had a string of people tell me I’m too nice of a guy to be single. I’m not sure what that means since most of the assholes I know are attached. A few months ago I had a a co-worker tell me she was going to find me a woman because I was such a sweet guy. I didn’t think much of it until a week later when she told me she had found the “perfect woman” for me. The conversation went something like this:
Co-worker: I found the perfect girl for you Matthew. I think you’ll really like her. She’s sweet.
CW: She’s a little overweight, but she’s really nice. She’s not a stick figure but that just means more cushion for the pushing, ya know what I mean?
Me: (long pause) Ok…
CW: She’s also completely hairless. Not a stitch of hair on her body anywhere. She wears a wig. She may or may not have cancer. I’m not sure.
Me: (blank stare): Ok…
CW: She’s really into black boys. I think she’s mulatto.
As hard it was, I passed up that opportunity. However, I didn’t turn down the opportunity to be on Smiley’s Wheel of Men. A friend suggested I enter the radio promotion where single men get spun on a wheel and sent on a speed date with a random stranger. If the date went well, the couple would get gift certificates to a nice restaurant in town. I usually don’t go for blind dates, but this seemed like a good opportunity to do something fun. If it worked out, it would be a great story to tell the grand kids.
The Wheel of Men took place over the weekend and while I’d like to say a love connection was made…sadly it was not meant to be. After being spun around a few times, I was paired with a young lady we’ll call “Santa”. While Santa was a jolly soul, she wasn’t terribly interesting or attractive. Besides that, she was great. We chitchatted for a while, but it was obvious there would be no second meeting. You know a date is going poorly when the highlight is the moment the free drinks arrived.
Once my date with Santa was over I was able to enjoy the rest of the night with a few select members of the Gnu Crew. We ate, drank, and danced the night away at a few local bars. I may have struck out in love that night, but thankfully I had amazing friends to chill with in the dugout.